


lilies on her skin

by Bagell



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Flashbacks, It's not permanent, Reincarnation, but like, so technically there's mcd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 03:29:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19862782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bagell/pseuds/Bagell
Summary: But every single time, Dot has shown up on Cat’s doorstep, smiling in spite of herself, covered in dirt and blood and sheepishness as she asks to use Catarina’s spare room.-Or, the time Dot disappears and comes far too close to not coming back.





	lilies on her skin

**Author's Note:**

> the sh wlw fic bingo has sTARTED and i'm!!!! so excited!!!!!!!!! ik i haven't posted here in a long while and i'm sorry about that but i'll be back and hopefully back on my groove, at least for this event :D 
> 
> submission is for team red for the prompt "reincarnation"

Catarina has lived many, many years. Still, not many of them were spent without Dorothea. 

There’s a funny thing about Dot. She has disappeared so many times, drawing Magnus and her little sister figure Clary Fairchild into a panic. But every single time, she has shown up on Cat’s doorstep, smiling in spite of herself, covered in dirt and blood and sheepishness as she asks to use Catarina’s spare room. The answer is always no, because Cat’s bed is big and vacant enough anyway and can fit the two of them, or just Dot to keep it warm while Cat is off at work.

They’re not exactly innocent with their touches. Neither of them are strangers to the sparks between them, and in the barest moments when Cat is home, Madzie is asleep, and Dot has escaped the ever growing target on her head, they are helpless to resist each other.

Those aren’t the only indulgences Catarina remembers. She sits back, letting memories wash over tears that won’t fall and sees Madzie on Dot’s lap, singing and clapping her hands and laughing her tiny heart out, and she sees Dot share the same delighted sentiment with this little warlock girl she has been through so much trauma with. It is all Catarina can do not to sob with the need to protect them both, knowing after the last time that it could be in just a moment that they’re snatched away from her.

The first and almost the only time Dot did not come to Cat’s door was before they had a daughter. Magnus is the one who came to her, panicking, pleading. “ _I can’t feel her magic, Cat, I can’t, I’m so sorry,”_ and she listened and tried not to break down too hard because Magnus hadn’t let his tears out like this in far too long and she wanted to be in one piece for him. 

When Dot was back, not dead but holding unimaginable experiences and a bond with a little girl, Cat let herself feel the grief she did not have time to wait on while she was gone.

She remembers the bad nights, too. The yelled statements in the heat of night because one is one of the most powerful warlocks in the world and the other has gotten too close to the daughter of a man who wants genocide. The shouts for the other to just _leave_ if they don’t care for their safety or health anyway, crudely hiding hearts that beg to stay.

Cat is certain in all her centuries of living, her heart has not begged this loudly, this feverishly before. 

It is in moments like this, that she directs her mind to remember the lilies, where she is peaceful and home and not aching so loudly. 

The lilies lie on a lake surrounded by trees and rich with moss and plantlife. They’re next to a green field that’s one of the most comfortable places to lie on with sandwiches and a picnic blanket. The lilies float along the water and their petals make gorgeous white spots along Dot’s skin. 

At the lake, Dorothea and Catarina are in a bubble of quiet, one that only they can paint with happiness and the sound of each other’s laughter. 

“Baby,” Dot said to her once. They were floating on the water, naked and half covered by petals and flowers and greenery. 

Catarina leaned forward, flapping her feet under the water a little to get closer, to place a kiss below the apple of Dot’s cheek.

“Baby,” Dot said again, chastising despite the big smile bloomed on her face. 

Cat nodded, urging her to continue.

“Never mind,” Dot eventually continued. “I forgot anyway.”

They continued floating, occasionally splashing each other and dissolving into giggles, exchanging kisses and touches and dunking each other under the murky lake water.

Catarina’s heart throbs again when she realizes they only went to the lake with Madzie once.

When Magnus came to her again, he brought Clary, who broke down telling her Dot stayed to fight off Clary’s brother so that Clary could get away with the Mortal Mirror.

She had felt her patience wearing thin as she sent both of them to leave, smiling only for the sake of Magnus’ worried stares.

She’s fine. It’s not true anyway. They can’t feel her magic but it was the same last time, and she still turned up, in one piece and storming to Cat’s house to hug and hold her, to cry on her shoulder and let Cat cry on her shoulder, to be _together_. It’ll be the same thing this time, just give her a week before she turns up on Cat’s doorstep, sauntering and ready to tell the wild tale of how she got rid of Jonathan Morgenstern with only the magic in her dancing toes. She and Magnus always were similar in their love of spinning stories.

Catarina just has to wait. Dorothea will be here soon.

A century passes and Cat’s heart has not quieted.

A century and Madzie is grown now, still wearing colorful dresses and her hair in elaborate pigtails but now moved into her own place, with her own career. It is a testament to the steel armor Cat has grown into when Madzie comes to visit wearing a dress that used to belong to her late other mom and she remains strong. People think she’s moved on, with how busy she is. They couldn’t be more wrong.

She’s by the lilies with Madzie when it happens.

“Mom?”

Something about the tone of her daughter’s voice makes her look up from where she’s separating their sandwiches. She turns, half expecting to see Madzie ready to tease her about her careful handling of their lunch, but Madzie isn’t looking at her. She’s standing a few meters away from the picnic blanket, facing out along the lake and towards the trees. Catarina’s about to call out to her, ask if everything’s okay, but then Madzie shoots herself off the ground with a blast from her hands, surging forward onto the lake and catapulting into…

There’s a splash before Catarina can get a clear view but she’s standing now too, tripping over herself and abandoning her sandwiches as she follows her daughter into the water where she’s sitting next to _her_.

Cat isn’t even close enough to touch before her legs give out in the knee deep water shoulders shaking and sobs starting to wrack her body because she can’t believe her _eyes_.

Sitting there, next to Madzie and soaking wet, petals and her hair plastered to her face and shoulders, is _Dorothea_.

Madzie is blinking furiously, talking up a storm as Dot stares at her. Madzie keeps asking questions and not taking a moment to breathe, but Cat can’t hear her. She sees Dot blinking in confusion before she turns her way, and _oh_.

Catarina hasn’t counted the minutes since she last locked eyes with her love but this is overwhelming. It hurts just as it heals and Cat is wrecked once again. She wills herself to speak, and finally, it works. “Dot?”

Dorothea blinks, some kind of recognition setting in before she shakes her head and responds. “I’m so sorry I… I don’t think I’m the person you want.”

It’s a ridiculous statement, because of _course_ Dot is who Catarina wants, she’s all she’s wanted for the last century, all she’s wanted and loved for longer, for most of her immortal life. Until it sets in. 

Dot shakes her head again, gently pushing Madzie off her before she speaks again. “I really hate to say this, seeing how you all look seeing me but my name isn’t Dot and I really don’t know who you are.”

Something in Catarina’s heart fades to black and she has trouble processing, responding. “I…”

The stranger (a _stranger_ ) cuts in. “Um, I don’t know if this helps or makes sense but I, uh. Something happened when I looked at you. Maybe it’s because we’re both warlocks but I… it’s never happened before. And your magic, both your magic. It feels… nice.” _Like a home_ , goes unsaid, but Catarina almost feels it’s true, feels it in the way the stranger’s magic curls protectively in her chest.

The warlock looks embarrassed by their little admission and suddenly Cat realizes she can _feel_ Dot’s magic again. She can feel it wrapping around her, recognizing her, even if the person in front of her doesn’t. She turns to Madzie, who’s already looking at her. The expression on her daughter’s face matches hers, and she knows she can feel it too.

Catarina nods. “Well, let’s go to a more comfortable spot and we can… talk about it.” She looks down shyly, _shy_ when she hasn’t been in centuries. “Starting with our names?”

The stranger nods and smiles, warm and all too familiar to truly be a stranger. “I’m Dolli Orson.”

Catarina smiles back. “I’m Cat, and this is my daughter Madzie. I think I destroyed our picnic earlier, but care to join us while we conjure some food?”

Dolli laughs. “I’d love that.”

Maybe it’s a little forward, but as she takes Madzie’s hand, Catarina hesitates before grabbing Dolli’s as well. Her heart swells when Dolli smiles, the same smile as Dorothea.

Wading through the lilies, her heart is quiet.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact-a-rooney: "dolli orson" is an anagram of "dorothea rollins" minus the letters that make "heart" because they haven't quite found that yet (but maybe they will with cat and madzie)
> 
> talk to me on the bird app @[coffeemundane](https://twitter.com/coffeemundane)


End file.
